Bubble
by blackandwhity
Summary: Missing scenes from 11.02. How Tony and Ziva spend those few days in Israel. Alone, in a bubble.
1. Making the list

**_A/N:_**this is the first of a series of missing scenes from the episode Past, present and future. GG said they were going to spend some "real time" together, and this is my interpretation of his statement. Here is my headcanon for what we didn't get to see._  
_

* * *

_"Maybe I can help you with that"_

She just looks at him, at a loss of what to say. His presence there, his patience, his words, overwhelm her, because even if she knew it already, it's always a shock to see how much he loves her, how much he understands her and respects her.  
In the end, she nods and manages to deliver a grateful smile to him.

She takes a book and a pen from the coffee table, and he gives her the list back as they sit down on the couch.

"So, what do you wish?"

She thinks about it for a moment, staring at the blank back of the sheet, and then she rises her eyes to meet his again.

"I want to make up for all the pain I caused. I want to stop grieving all the time." She sighs and closes her eyes. "I have been grieving all my losses for years, and it has stopped me from -"  
She stops abruptly, realizing what she was about to say. Her pain had made her fear to get too involved with him, to allow herself to love him openly, to let him (and everyone else she cared about) in, to build a future with him. After a pause, she finds a milder way to say it all, and continues: "- getting… attached."

"But you did get attached, Ziva." He objects. "We are your family, we know you love us, and you let us love you. It took a while, but you did. Maybe you didn't let us take care of you most of the times, but you took care of us."

He notices that she's not going to fight this point, and his suspicions get confirmed. It wasn't the NCIS family she was talking about.

"Unless… you're talking about building a family?", he suggests, as softly as possible.

The telltale dimple under her lower lip appears anyway, as he feared. She just looks at him, struggling for control, for a few seconds, and the urge to reach out and hold her tight makes his chest ache, but he doesn't want to risk interrupting this moment of openness, so he just waits for her to get herself together and say what she needs to say.

"How can I be a good… partner, or even a mother, how can I make my family happy if I don't know how to be okay myself?"

Her voice fades on her last words, and the look in her eyes is so uncertain that she looks like a scared little girl, and this sight sends his concern through the roof, because this is a Ziva he has never seen before.  
This makes him give in, and he finally surrounds her shoulders with his arm, and she leans into him willingly. He wishes he had some convincing words of comfort to say, but he knows that he can't reach her where she is right now, that even telling her that he loves her the way she is won't help.  
She needs to feel better, she needs to learn how to love herself and accept who she is first, and he understands that and wants her to get there. So he just kisses her hair and leans his head on hers, and they stay immobile for a while, until she pulls away.  
Her expression is fiercely determined now, she looks more like herself, and this makes him feel better.

"So, first point of the list?" he asks her with a smile.

"I will let go of the badge."

He expected this, but he feels a pang of pain anyway.

"Yeah, that makes sense, I guess." He twitches his lower lip as he adds "It'll be very hard though, not having you around all day every day."

She looks away, clearly uncomfortable. He knows she's probably holding something back, but he doesn't insist. They're focused on an important task.

"I will make someone smile everyday" she writes as a second point.

"So you're not going to keep travelling alone, are you?"

"No. I want to do something useful, something good." She says, resolutely. "And this requires by definition being around people", she smiles.

Then she turns back to the sheet and writes:  
- I will let go of the pain and the guilt.  
- I will let friends in.

"That's good, 'cause I'm not going anywhere. I'll be there for you every step, Ziva."

She's uncomfortable again, and suddenly he _knows s_he's going to do all this by herself. But he cannot surrender to the realization, so he calls her softly.

"Ziva?"

"I…"

"Tell me you're not shutting me out again. Please."

"This is something _I_ have to do, Tony. On my own. I appreciate your support, but this is not something you can help me with."

"Then what's the whole 'let friends in' about?"

"I _am_ letting you in! What do you think I am doing right now?" she yells, and she's standing up to storm out of the room again, but this time he stops her.

"Hey" he shouts, as he jumps up and follows her.

"Hey" he repeats, in a much softer voice, as he reaches her. "I see it. And I treasure it. I'm just… I just don't want you to walk away from me because you're scared. I'm on your side, Ziva, not matter how dark it gets over there. And if you really want to let me in you have to accept that I'll never, ever, abandon you. Okay?"

"I have. I have accepted that."

"Then why -?"

"It's just different this time. I'm not running from you, Tony, I promise. I just need to… start over. To feel whole. I wrote that I will let people in because I want to be able to do it all the time, and not just once in a while. You know better than anyone that when I'm hurting I push everyone away. I want to stop doing this, and to be able to do that I need to work on myself first."

He's still not entirely convinced, or maybe he's just reluctant to let her go, but she sounds very sure of her plan, so once again he decides not to argue further. When they sit down again, though, he decides to take a little risk.

"Can I suggest a point?"

"Sure."

"Two actually, but only one is mine: accept love. The other…" Tony continued pointing at the last line of the original list, "have a boy and a girl."

A sharp intake of breath is her only answer, so he adds "I'm serious, Ziva. You shouldn't let go of your desire of motherhood. I know what you meant before, but once you start 'feeling whole again', as you said, once you find the key to be okay, I see no reason not to pursue it."

He knows this is her deepest desire, and the most difficult subject at the moment, so he's not surprised when he doesn't get a verbal answer, again.

"And about the previous point" he adds, stroking her hair and cupping her cheek, "you have to accept that you're worthy of love. You hear me? _You are worthy of love_."

Tears start streaming down her face, and he knows he's hit a nerve again. He knows her too well, he read the signs for what they were. She had disappeared, she had sought isolation, she had pushed him away after Gibbs' call, and he knew that her guilt trip had brought her too far, had made her feel inadequate and unworthy. He's afraid she's feeling like she felt after Somalia, after her father abandoned her in the desert to die, and her earlier choice of words confirms his fears.  
He wipes her tears away with his thumb, and tries to smile encouragingly at her, to confirm his words. She leans into his touch and covers his hand with hers.  
She opens her mouth to reply, but he's faster.

"Don't you dare thanking me. You don't thank for the love."

"Is this some kind of Gibbs rule?"

"No, that's just how it works."

She finally smiles affectionately, and the sight melts his heart.

Once she's gotten some composure back, she takes the list and adds the last two points. Then she reads them all, and looks satisfied.

"I think that's enough."

"Okay. Let's get it buried."

* * *

A/N Coming up: the scene that follows the one in the orchard.  
(As I wrote, this is the first chapter of a series. The other missing scenes are in progress. Thank you, Guest, for your review and for pointing it out!)


	2. In a bubble

**A/N **_This second chapter came out way longer than I expected, so I've decided to split it in two parts. This first part starts in the orchard and covers the first day of... whatever follows. This is the actual "Bubble" the title refers to, so expect lots of fluff :)_  
_Warning: adult activities are mentioned (hence, the rating). Nothing explicit, anyway._

* * *

She says burying the list doesn't make her feel better, and all his doubts about letting her do this alone come back to him. As much as he wants to respect her decisions and trust her instincts, he's worried sick, because he's never seen her so broken, and lost, and desperate, and the idea of letting her face her demons on her own makes him panic.  
Besides, he's not sure he's ready to be alone himself.  
This time he decides to try to insist. He tells her that she doesn't have to do this alone, he tries to make her see that coming home is not about the job, it's about them, that he can make this journey with her, and he chokes on his words, because now that he's saying it out loud everything is becoming more real, and his love for her and the fear to lose her constrict his heart and bring tears to his eyes.

He wants to kiss her and hold her and never let her go, but he just kisses her hand and looks her in the eyes and tries to convey everything he's feeling without words. He physically can't speak right now.

Her touch on his face makes every inch of his skin burn, while his own tears burn his eyes and his throat.  
Her forehead is on his, they share air and vulnerability, and somewhere deep down he finds the strength to utter a few other words. The most important.  
_  
"I'm fighting for you, Ziva"  
"I know"_

He can feel her breathing become more labored as she buries her face on his neck, and his arms encircle her completely, bringing her as close as possible.  
After a few moments, she pulls away and looks him in the eyes, and he sees determination and adoration in hers.

"And I am fighting for you." She whispers. "I want to be whole for us."

Her voice breaks on the last two words, but he hears what she couldn't say anyway. They both know the last two points of the list are about them, they have no reason to pretend anymore.

This is the trigger. They can't hold it any longer. Her hands are still on the back of his head, and his find their way to her face as they get closer and closer, until their lips meet.  
The first touch is soft and short. They start exploring each other slowly at first, and then she is the one to deepen the kiss, which escalates quickly, fueled by years of sexual tension and by the overwhelming feelings that they kept inside for much too long.

When they pull away they're breathless, but they're both smiling. The following kisses are soft and unhurried again, and just when things are heating up, he stops her.

"It's getting a bit cold out here."

She smirks, and for a moment is tempted to mock him for this cue. She wonders briefly if this very British comment about the weather is a Bond way to voice their clear intention to get naked. Because in fact, it's not that cold, if they stay fully dressed.  
In the end, she decides that humming in affirmation and nibbling his earlobe is a much more effective response.

They walk to the house hand in hand, and the relatively short path is walked through in a much longer time than necessary, because they stop a few times to exchange fleeting kisses.  
Once they approach the house, though, the rush is back. He's out of his jacket even before she has fully opened the entrance door, and he gets her out of her sweater halfway through the living room. When they cross the threshold of her bedroom, they're both barefoot and she's unbuckling his belt.

He can't suppress a chuckle as he looks over her shoulder.

"What?" she askes, puzzled.

"At least you don't have a twin bed."

She snorts and brings his attention back to the important stuff with on open mouthed kiss that leaves him dizzy.

It's not their first time. They had given in to their mutual attraction and curiosity that summer Gibbs was in Mexico, but things were a lot different then. So this feels like a first time anyway, and it's nothing like they expected. The initial urgency fades away, and they take their time to explore each other again, to memorize every inch of the other's body, because it's been too long, and they don't know how long it's going to take before they get another chance.  
The other's arms are a safe shelter as they both fall apart, and in the end they exchange breathless smiles, and words are not needed.

He settles with his head on her chest, and lets her subsiding heartbeat lull him as her hands travel through his hair and beard.  
His fingers trace random paths on her arm, her ribcage, the side of her breast, and every other point he can reach. He considers a second round, but exhaustion takes over him, as all the emotions of the day and the past four months finally overwhelm him.

She watches him fall asleep, and a wave of fondness floods her. She stays awake for a long time, enjoying the sight, and the feeling of his warm breath tickling her chest, and his smell, and the weight of his head, and his presence and closeness and the new level of their intimacy.

* * *

The following morning is sunny enough to have breakfast on the patio. The atmosphere is peaceful, and they eat in comfortable silence, until Tony's playful side comes back to make an appearance.

"So" he starts, "this is what you had in mind when you invited me to join you, uh?".  
His flirty smirk reminds her of the expression he wore during another breakfast in the open, a long time ago in a Parisian café.

"Among other things" she replies, with a grin that matches his.

Her mood has lifted a lot since the previous day, and she feels like playing along.  
They deserve a break, they need to be serene at least for today, and she won't let anything cloud the moment of joy that they've waited for so long. Just for today, she can leave her pain and her imminent plans aside.

"Actually I had planned to bring you to Haifa. There are some beautiful beaches there. You know, _crystal white sands_ and all."

"Did you just -?" he cackles. "Are you seriously quoting McWriter?"

"You have to admit that would have been an appealing scenery" she laughs, and he laughs with her.

He pecks her and then whispers to her ear, "It's good to hear you laugh."

This simple statement does things to her heart, and for a moment she considers giving him a serious answer, but then she is reminded of all the times he had been nosy about her boyfriend of the moment, asking her if they made her laugh, and decides to go on with the joke a little bit longer.

"Well, you know, even if you're not as hilarious as the veterinarian I was seeing last year, you certainly have your moments", she teases him.

"HA! Very funny."  
He's about to shoot his witty reply, but she shuts him up with a kiss, and he's more than okay with leaving it at that.

The rest of the day goes by quickly, in a silent agreement to create a bubble of normalcy and just enjoy it as long as they can.  
They cook together, she finally teaches him how to make falafel, or at least she tries, before he sidetracks her by planting kisses all over her neck and they end up making love on the kitchen table.

Later, as they're cuddling on the couch, sipping hot coffee, he convinces her to show him pictures of her childhood. He knows it's a risky request because right now she is struggling with everything involving her family, but his intention is actually to make her talk about things of her past that make her smile, so she doesn't forget to hold on to happy memories too, and not just drown in the sad ones.  
He succeeds, and even if a few tears are shed, they're mostly combined with smiles and tender expressions.  
In the end, she thanks him, because she sees what he just did, and she couldn't be more grateful.  
She gives him a picture where she wears a gown with a flowery pattern, her hair are gathered in a sloppy side ponytail, and she has a grumpy expression.

"Here. You should keep this one, so you have an embarrassing picture of my childhood too" she adds with a knowing smile.

He founds that picture adorable, and not embarrassing, but he plays along.

"I promise I'll mock it every day, as it deserves.", he says in his most solemn tone.

She cocks her head to the side, narrowing her eyes, and before he knows it, it's his turn to get sidetracked by her kisses.

* * *

They use the last hours of light to have a walk in the surroundings, and she shows him the tree that used to be her favorite to climb as a child. They sit under its shadow for a while, her head on his shoulder, and they exchange funny tales from their childhood involving incidents with tree climbing.  
She mocks him a little, amused by the fact that his aversion for the woods has apparently very deep and far away roots.  
He takes the cue and suggests they go back to that soft and comfortable couch of hers, or maybe even the bed. This last innuendo earns him a punch on the bicep. A very soft punch, though.

The sunset makes the sky explode in a thousand shades of orange, red and purple as they go down the high ground they were sitting on. The marvelous sight stuns him, so he stops her to watch it, and after a moment puts his arms around her waist.  
For some reason, it's exactly that moment of romantic cliché that reminds her that this lighthearted break is not meant to last, that she has to stop this and send him home and start doing what she was planning to do.  
Now that he's here though, now that they've crossed the invisible line they've hovered over for years, it got much harder to make that move.

During the evening, he notices that her mood is shifting, a wistful expression appears on her features every once in a while when she thinks he's not looking, and he knows that the moment they both dread is approaching.  
When they finally go to sleep, she snuggles with her back against his chest and surrounds herself with his arm, entwining their fingers and letting his whole body be her cocoon.  
He thinks of how they fell asleep the previous night, how open that position was, and realizes this is her subtle way to hide, but he doesn't push it. He's not eager to face a confrontation about their imminent separation either.

* * *

**A/N**_ sorry if the ending feels unfinished, but as I said this chapter and the next are meant as a unit._  
_Coming up: the conversation that made Tony go from his distraught and bearded version in the orchard to the clean shaven and accepting of the airport..._

_Last but not least, a big thanks to everyone is reviewing, favoriting and following this story. You guys are amazing!_


	3. Resolution

_A/N Here is the second part. Proper notes at the end._

* * *

When he wakes up, she's curled against his chest, with her head tucked under his chin and a hand splayed above his heart. He takes this and the sleepy smile with which she wishes him good morning as a good sign, as a reason to hold on to hope that she may have changed her mind. Or at least opted for a procrastination.

Apparently, he's right. The day starts with a lot of kissing, until she suddenly pulls away wincing.

"It's time to say goodbye to this beard."

"What? I thought you liked it!"

"I do! It suits you, really, but it's starting to sting a little bit too much."

She licks her upper lip, trying to wet it a bit for relief, and he notices that it is actually reddened and looks a bit irritated. He apologizes and kisses her cheek, and she just drags him out of the bed and towards the bathroom.

"Sit." She orders when they get there.

"Bossy." He cackles.

She takes his razorblade and shaving gel from his beauty case, then puts some gel in her hands and starts spreading it all over his beard, never breaking eye contact. Her touch on his face feels completely different from the previous day in the orchard, the contact is soft and fresh, and his face doesn't burn this time. It's a sweet moment, but he can't help thinking that it's also all kinds of hot.

His expression must betray him when she takes the razorblade, because she asks, amused, "Scared, DiNozzo?"

"Never."

And he realizes he's really not worried at all. He has put his life in her hands for years after all, shaving won't be a big deal.  
And of course he's right to trust her, she doesn't cut him, and it's all over before he knows it.

"Welcome back", she greets him as she removes the last traces of the gel.

"Hi", he smiles. "Thank you for giving me my face back unharmed."

"I would never harm it. I like your face."

Beard is gone, there's no reason not to kiss her now.  
And the shower is dangerously close. It doesn't take much to make it the next step.  
The morning keeps getting better and better.

He offers to take care of breakfast while she dries her hair. In the few minutes she spends alone, without him distracting her, she has time to think again about all the things she has put on standby and realizes that she's deluding herself. She suddenly regrets the decision she has taken when she woke up. She thinks she should have talked to him before they had a chance to make another step into this sort of preview of their life together, or maybe it would have been even safer to do it the previous night.  
The more she waits, the harder it gets to tell him it's time for him to go back home.

She takes a minute to gather all her strength before she joins him in the kitchen. When she gets there, though, the sight before her robs her of her speech. He has somehow managed to make a sumptuous breakfast out of the few supplies she had bought two days earlier.

He expects to see her smile at that marvelous sight, but before she can react properly he catches the expression she had when she walked in.

"What?" he asks, wondering where he's gone wrong.

"Nothing. This is… wow, I had no idea you could cook like this."

He doesn't buy it for a second. "Ziva", he calls softly.

She cocks her head and sighs. "It's just that you are making it very hard to tell you to go home, Tony."

This takes him aback. Considering how the day had started, he had relaxed, convinced she wouldn't draw out the issue at least for another day.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to break the atmosphere like this." She gets closer, and caresses his forehead and temple to smooth his frown.  
"Thank you for the breakfast, by the way." She says, trying to loosen the tension a bit.

"Ziva. The cat is out of the bag, we might as well talk about it now. I hate having this pink elephant in the room."

"What does the cat have to do with elephants?" she asks, confused.

He would laugh, weren't he so worried about what's coming next.

"Never mind." He sighs. "We better eat those pancakes, before they get cold. I need sugar to face this conversation."

They eat in silence, knowing that no small talk will fix the mood.  
When she starts tidying up the kitchen, he stops her pulling her arm gently.

"We can do this later."

He takes her hand and leads her towards the couch in the living room.  
They sit facing each other for a minute, and she makes a few attempts to start talking, but ends up closing her mouth every time. He squeezes her hand and smiles at her when these scene keeps repeating, so she exhales loudly and says, apologetically, "It's hard."

"Then don't do it."

"I have to."

"Ziva, are you sure? After these two days, how are you still convinced that the best solution is to part? I told you, we can do this together."

"Tony." She sighs. "These moments we had together will be in my heart for the next weeks, or months, I have no idea how long this is going to take. They'll keep me going, they'll give me purpose. You were right. I had been looking back for four months, and you made me look forward for the first time. And when I look forward I see you. I see us. This is what I want for the future. I want us to happen."

"Then come home. You can have it now, why wait?"

"Because I also want this to last."

"You think it wouldn't?"

She takes a moment to formulate a proper answer. She needs him to understand, and she needs him to do it as soon as possible, because she's afraid if he keeps insisting her resolution will fall to pieces.

"Do you remember when I invited you here?" She starts.

"That's kind of unforgettable, you know. I had butterflies in my stomach like a teenager."

She smiles briefly, then goes on. "So did I. I felt… happy, I felt _ready_. You know what happened next. As soon as my past knocked on my door it made me take a step back. When you found me, I did not feel ready anymore. Not at all."

"And you tried to push me away." He intervenes. He's starting to see where her line of thought is headed.

"Yes. Tony, I am afraid that if I don't deal with my past now, it will keep coming back when I least expect it and it will keep sabotaging my future. If I come home with you now, we will be okay for a while, we might be very happy, even. I'll be focused on us and just us, like I have done in these two days, and then something will happen, and I will be reminded of all the things I left hanging, all the things I buried throughout the years. And _I know_ I will revert to my old ways. You know it too."

She stops to study his reaction. He's biting the inside of his lower lip and nodding slightly. Oh, yes, he does know. He has watched her doing it for years.  
Encouraged by his understanding, she resumes her speech, and her voice is much softer.

"We need a chance, a real one. Someone once said that you need to heal, before you love."

He looks at her a little bit more intensely, if possible, as he hears her utter the word "love". They've never used it before. It's been implied, in a roundabout way, but never said out loud.  
It's like she just said the key-word, he doesn't need any further explanation. As much as the idea of being without her for god knows how long scares the hell out of him, he understands. And even if it's hard to admit to himself, he kind of agrees with her plan. He wants them to have a real chance too.

She interrupts his thoughts, as she is struck by a sudden doubt. "It's not fair of me to ask you to wait –"

"Don't. You don't have to ask for it, I'm going to wait for you anyway. I have waited for a while now." He adds with a smile. Then he turns serious again. "I'll be right there, Ziva, when you feel ready to come back to me."

"You did wait." She whispers, as if she's talking to herself. Then she looks him in the eyes again. "You have respected my need to be alone when I went through many rough moments. I really appreciate that."

He just nods and exhales. "C'mere". She pulls her to his lap and kisses her gently.  
"Okay, we can do this. We should have put something about coming home on that list." He muses.

"It would have been redundant. The last two points are already about coming home. Actually, it is the condition to fulfill them." She adds, feeling brave.

In the span of two days, they've gone from tension, to openness, to more or less explicit declarations of love, and now she has just hinted about their future children.  
He holds her a little bit tighter and smiles, not even remotely bothered by her statement. It was his idea, after all, to add that point.

"Just promise me something."

"Sure."

"Promise me you'll be in touch. I need to know that you're safe and well. I can't – " he has to swallow to continue. "I can't go through what I went through this summer, Ziva." Or four years ago, for the matter, but he doesn't tell her that. "Not knowing… is scary."

She realizes how bad it must have been for him, and suddenly feels very selfish for disappearing like she did. "I'm sorry."  
"I will… keep you updated, I promise. Listen, I might go to places where the phone or the internet do not work very well, but if that happens I will tell you in advance, okay?"

"Are you going to be in the dangerous places?" He asks, worried.

"I am not sure yet. But if you think about it, people who need help are often in war zones."

"Ziva, please don't. I can let you go and do what you need to do, but I need to be sure that you'll come back in one piece." He sounds a little desperate now.

"Don't worry. I have had enough of violence, I am not eager to find myself in the middle of it again. I was thinking about refugees. I will stay safe."

He doesn't look very convinced, but she feels him relax a bit under her.

She leans her cheeks against his, and then whispers to his ear, "I will be careful. I do not want you to drop everything and come look for me halfway around the world a third time."

This makes him shiver. He would do it again and again if necessary, but he also fears that one day worrying over her will bring him to the nuthouse, so he's glad for the promise she's making.  
He doesn't voice any of this, he just repeats "Okay, okay" a few times and tries to relax.

It's going to work, somehow. It's going to be the hardest thing they've ever done, but it's going to work.

* * *

**A/N** _I'm really nervous about this chapter. I needed to find an explanation to Tony's transformation throughout the episode, and as much as I wanted it to be believable, I also needed it to give me inner peace. So I apologize if you find some things out of character (especially Ziva's lines).  
I've been long torn about the staying in touch part. I really believe she needs some space right now, and that he'll give her that, but I also needed her to understand how hard it is for him when she shuts him out, so just for once, I wanted her to meet him halfway. This is the reason for my final choice._

There will be one last chapter, a short airport related scene that is meant as an epilogue.

_Since I have no way to do it personally, I want to use this space to thank Kristen, Maureen and Tonyfan31970, the guests who left some absolutely lovely reviews to chapter 2. I appreciated them a lot._

Thank you everyone for reading and for all the support!


	4. Epilogue

**A/N** _Here we are, epilogue time._

* * *

The flight schedule gives them 36 more hours to spend together. Once everything that needed to be said has been clarified, they get back into their bubble, enjoying every moment fully.

The drive to the airport is mostly quiet. Separation is imminent, it's not the time for small talk.

They sit on a bench in the terminal, waiting for his flight to be called.  
He holds her tight and lets her lean on his shoulder, and feels her breathing get more and more irregular, as she tries to hold back tears. He makes an attempt to say something to lift her mood, he really wants to see her smile and hear her laugh before he leaves, because he doesn't trust himself to really get on that plane if he has the tiniest doubt he's leaving her alone while she's in a bad place. Well, in a worse place. Whatever.  
He stumbles on his words and doesn't get much of a reaction out of her, and has to accept that his typical DiNozzo humor won't work this time. After all, he's having some problems to hold it together too.

When boarding is only ten minutes away, she shifts positions so that she can face him.

"Write to me when you land, please."

"Aye-aye, ma'am", he says, but softness and tenderness in his voice kind of spoil the joke. Instead of the classic death glare that appellation used to earn him, he gets a crooked smile and watery eyes.

She opens her mouth and closes it again. She swallows, and makes a second try. "I will miss you."

He doesn't know if it's what she said or how she said it, but it makes all his doubts come back. He can't leave her. He's just not ready. She's not ready.

"Ziva, I can stay. Or you can come. We don't have to do this."

She closes her eyes, discouraged.

"You said you understood."

"I did! I do, I just –" he has to stop and restart his brain to manage to put words into a sentence, somehow. "I'll miss you too, and I'm worried about you, and knowing I won't be there to have your six drives me crazy."

She cocks her head to the side, and for some reason chooses that moment to give him an affectionate smile.

"I made you a promise and I am going to keep it. I will stay safe. And I won't disappear."  
She takes his face in her hands and looks him in the eyes a little bit more intensely. "Okay?"

"Okay" he exhales, as he pulls her to him and embraces her, keeping her as close as he can, feeling her racing heartbeat mingle with his.

The loudspeaker interrupts their moment announcing the boarding for his flight has begun. He picks up his bag and she grabs his jacket.

"Are you seriously carrying my jacket for me, sweetcheeks?" he asks with a flirty smirk, determined to keep it light.

She rewards him with a chuckle, genuinely amused by the reference, and that makes him instantly feel better. Then she waits him to turn around to slip her necklace in his jacket's pocket.  
She has been thinking of doing this since their big talk. She has made promises - they both have, more or less explicitly - and she feels the need to seal them. He knows how much that necklace is important to her. He's the one who gave it back to her, twice. She's sure he will understand that the gesture is meant to remind him that she's serious about this, and that she will come back to him.

When they get on the tarmac, he makes one last feeble attempt to convince her to go with him, but it's just because he can't help it, he already knows the answer. She looks away, uncomfortable, so he changes subject.  
He suddenly realizes that they've talked only about them, but he's not the only person she's leaving.  
While she gives him messages for the rest of the family and explains him the meaning of "stop this for him", the tears she successfully kept at bay the whole evening finally find their way out.

Her teary laugh at his comment about Gibbs does things to his heart and keeps him grounded at the same time. He just wants to keep it together for her, to support her and be her rock, to try not to make this moment even harder.  
And then she surprises him again, using the word "love" for the second time in two days, just much more explicitly, and leaves him speechless.

The kiss that follows is full of passion, and tenderness, and promises, and hope. It says all the things they cannot say.

Taking the first step away from her is not easy, and he hears himself saying it out loud. He knows that even if he lingers a little bit longer, the tears he'll wipe away will be soon replaced by other tears, and he'll break down too, and won't be able to go at all.  
So he just starts walking backwards, trying to hold onto his acceptance of her reasons, and to remind himself that this is not the end. They didn't say goodbye.

She watches him walk away, and the more distant he gets, the more she gives in to the sobs that she's been holding. They're shaking her whole body by the time he's at the top of the boarding ladder, but she finds the strength to smile at him, so that the last image he has of her is not one of despair. She knows they'll see each other soon via video call, but it won't be the same. And it's going to be a while before they can meet in person. So she makes this effort for him, and only when he's out of sight she allows herself to surrender to the inevitable breakdown completely.

She doesn't linger to watch his plane take off. She has already done that once, and since everything is different this time, she doesn't want to be reminded of anything negative. She has to focus on the good.  
This is a new beginning. _Their_ new beginning.  
It was never a goodbye.

* * *

**A/N** _That's a wrap. I want to thank once again everyone who read, reviewed (dear Guests, I can't answer to you, but I've really appreciated your comments!), alerted and favorited this story. The response and support really amazed me!  
I hope this little journey has been as cathartic for you as it has been for me. Now that I have a headcanon that makes canon a little bit more bearable, I can move on and start writing happy AUs ;)  
Stay strong you all, and let's hope that this end was really just a beginning..._


End file.
